or being dead. I’ll be on the bus to Will’s or something
and suddenly I’ll be thinking again about Goethe’s
dying words, More light, or how the last thing
Archimedes said was Do not disturb my circles.
In medieval English courts, the presumption was
that those on the edge of death would tell the truth:
a man will not meet his maker with a lie in his mouth.
If you knew that you were about to die, you could
say whatever you liked and they had to believe you.
One time in a Spanish hotel I was almost sure I was dying
and the only word I could say was ambulance.
Before she called the emergency number, Frances
had to look up the Spanish words for asthma attack
and heart problem. I remember she stumbled at corazón
and said coraza instead, meaning breastplate
or armour, as in There’s a problem with his armour.
Dad says that my first word after mum was hospital
but I’m scared that when I’m dying I’ll say armour
instead of heart or I’ll say sky when I mean
window or I’ll say heaven when I mean heaven.
Or maybe I’ll have nothing to say at all, like
the time you took me to St Paul’s and we stood
at opposite ends of the whispering gallery.
This was like three Aprils ago. You kept saying
Say something, say something, but I panicked and
all I could say was I don’t know, I’m sorry, I love you.